Writer/author Kay Hymowitz offers her take on Why Are Men Angry? with shots at Roissy and other male oriented bloggers. Of course, she misses the point. Almost everyone is angry, being sold a bill of goods: PC and Diversity and Multiculturalism would bring utopia like a John Lennon “Imagine” song come to life, and instead brought war, misery, terrorism that never ends, and a general hard-wiring of nasty third world degeneracy and crisis right straight into the West, a hard-wiring that no one can disconnect. White middle class men have it the worst, being told and forced, to be the “nice guy” and sit through endless sexual harassment, diversity training, gender-bending seminars and meetings, while Alpha A-hole bad boys swoop up most women and all the half-way attractive ones, particularly in their prime years. No wonder White Middle and Working class men are angry, no other group has gotten the shaft quite so much since the end of the 1960s.
Hymowitz declares (wrongly of course) that most women want “nice guys.” Exhibit A to the total cluelessness of women about their own and their gender’s preference. Women want nice guys like they want a cold bowl of oatmeal in the morning. They’ll put up with them if they are forced, but otherwise find it disgusting. This is why commercials are filled with depictions of boring Beta White guys as doofuses who are humiliated by the smart White women and various non-Whites around them. Women find boring beta male White guys rivals and unlikeable ones at that for promotions and pay and jobs in the workplace (which is why when women form a critical mass such as in education, health care, media, entertainment, publishing, corporate finance, human resources, and more, they push out non-Gay White guys).
Wage growth has been primarily in female-dominated professions, that are profoundly hostile to non-Gay, non-Alpha White males (because White professional women find beta male romantic/sexual attention insulting and degrading). Wage growth in such female dominated fields as health care, media, entertainment, publishing, have all outpaced such male dominated fields as electrical engineering, computer programming, and mechanical engineering. Worse, the male dominated fields have been ground zero for outsourcing and H1-B attacks (usually with female cheerleading). While women’s groups have famously swayed Obama’s infrastructure spending away from construction to female-dominated health care and education.
But the main complaint of ordinary, Middle Class White guys is that women in their twenties, at the height of their attractiveness, spend all their time having sex with various bad boys. Then expect utter romantic devotion from “nice guys” who they will very publicly “settle” for after a long string of bad boys at the very tail edge of attractiveness. Leaving none but the obese or otherwise deeply flawed women for the 80-90% of men who are utterly average, in their twenties, or used-up cougars in their thirties.
All women are not equal. Nor is a woman as beautiful, attractive, loving, kind, and lacking emotional baggage and resentment in her thirties after a long string of failed relationships with bad boys, drug addicts, felons, trustafarians, indie rockers, and so on, as she was in her early twenties before all those men. Men cannot even get what their grandfathers certainly got: companionship marriage with a rough age peer before a great deal of lovers (on her side) and enforced celibacy with intermittent hook-ups (on his side) generate a “marriage of utter desperation.”
If men were only after sex, the “sluttiness” that Hymowitz cites would not be a problem: the easier to bed the women in question. But for a long term relationship expected to lead to marriage, sluttiness certainly is a problem and it from the perspective of most men certainly derails any prospect of a love-filled marriage.
A woman with many bad boys (sometimes merely one is enough) in her sexual past is not going to be able to form a deeply lasting relationship with a guy in her thirties. What for an aging lothario type man in his fifties or sixties might be a good catch (think Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, or Warren Beatty and Annette Benning) is a match destined to fail in mutual contempt. Hers that the man is not the dominant, commanding Alpha male all other women want and openly lust for, his that he’s the last choice and last in line in parade of prior male lovers.
This is particularly true since biochemistry cannot have its way in making and deepening sexual and romantic connections, something both parties understand implicitly. A woman of even average looks in the flush of her youth, can command considerable attention and memory-building, affection, love, and devotion to an ordinary man, particularly if society pushes him to faithful husbandly duties. This is of course no guarantee, and a man can stray. Making selection of a man’s character besides just his raw sex appeal something women must consider (and is usually stressed by older female relatives and friends — will he be faithful to you when you age?) But the odds are generally good, for most women, when society pushes faithful duties. And for most people, most of the time, good enough beats a perfect ideal that collapses into ugly failure in reality: the idea that a bad boy can be “tamed” by a woman who has “special” sexual/romantic powers despite being ordinary. See “Twilight,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Tru Blood,” “Vampire Diaries,” “Gossip Girl,” and nearly anything with Sex or the City in the title.
Men know what their grandfathers had. Perhaps even their fathers. You can see it in old movies. The idea that men and women would marry in their twenties, roughly the same age, form deep bonds un-threatened by a parade of past lovers (for either) and cemented more or less to each other.
Now, take for example a woman beautiful enough to have her own E! network talk show (and private personal trainer), and a comedian who has appeared multiple times on the Jay Leno Tonight Show (and the Jay Leno Show during that strange interregnum): Chelsea Handler. She’s 36 years old. Despite her clowning around she’s in decent shape, physically. And she is clearly in the upper 10% at least in looks for women in her age cohort. She was beautiful enough to attract the attention of rapper 50 Cent. A man used to having beautiful women throwing themselves at him.
Chelsea Handler, despite all that, is less beautiful than an average fit woman of ten years younger or so. Age matters. Average men are increasingly less inclined to “cougar it up” when porn and video games provide an excellent substitution. A cougar is not really fit to start a family, very likely she does not want one, or has one of her own already. Most men do not long to be a third wheel step-dad viewed by contempt by all parties alike: wife, biological (real) father, and children. A woman of twenty five is quite different in beauty alone, and its indicator of the ability to form a family, than a cougar of thirty six. No matter how beautiful the cougar is for her age.
All this leaves aside of course, the bitterness and resentment generated in women by a good fifteen years of failed attempts to snag and keep an Alpha Male. The bad boy nearly all women crave.
Men are bitter, and angry, because they were sold a bill of goods, cheated, and they know it. At best they are expected to be the dutiful, wife-dominated doormat husband of an aging cougar, and be grateful for it. Most of them have neither the skills, nor the talent, nor the desire, nor the personality, nor the ability to play dominant Alpha Asshole Male. They’d prefer to be married sometime in their twenties to a nice girl who did not have already twenty five felons, trustafarians, addicts, indie rockers, hipsters, and more to her bed count by age 25. The Duke F-List shows how ordinary young women of ordinary attractiveness can rack up at least thirteen men in four years and not consider it out of the ordinary. As anyone examining the material will note, the crudeness and graphic sexual nature of the “joke” meant to be shared among friends (and thus leaked out to generate a book deal) illustrates the bawdiness of young women can easily match if not exceed that of young men.
White, Middle class and working class men are angry, because they were told to be, and in fact forced to be, dutiful, go-along, boring beta White guys who would not constantly try to dominate and kick-ass and take names, all the time. In exchange, they got an X-box, some Ipods, and no ability to really form a family. Even if they had decent wages and affordable housing, the best they can do is an aging cougar whose contempt for them not being Warren Beatty or a reasonable low-rent copy is palpable. The workplace expects boring, White male conformity (and punishes all but the Charlie Sheens of the world for not being part of that conformity) which in turn makes male peers sexually and romantically invisible to outright repellent to their female peers. No wonder they are angry. They were cheated. Instead of a family, they got the dubious privilege of paying taxes to raise the spawn of bad-boys, and Chelsea Handler-types at the end of the rainbow.
The sexual utopia for the average White woman is a nightmare for the average White guy. While women have their choice of Alphas (even an ordinary woman can have sex with an Alpha, if not commitment), guys get very intermittent hook-ups, generally by “mistake” (they momentarily acted Alpha A-holish) and an aging cougar maybe in the end. That’s the death of the American dream, for them. No wonder men are angry.